She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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