we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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