My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
