I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
