we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
