i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
