i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
