How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
