That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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