as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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