You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
