dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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