I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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