Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
