I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
