I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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