Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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