I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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