I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I party with great urgency now.
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