I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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