DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize