I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize