I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
