whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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