hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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