Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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