I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
