the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
