I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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