whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
