i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
