no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
