Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Drunk is a universal language darling
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