I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
