You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
