also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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