Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
