it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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