She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
