ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
