Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
