I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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