Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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