Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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