I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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