Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
