I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
