i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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