It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
