He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
