I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
