I feel like I'm in dance class right now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
