Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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