I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
