why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
