Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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