rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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