God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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