In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
