i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize