I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
