hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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