Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
