It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
