Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize