he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
