Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
