how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
