The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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