Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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