i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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