dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
