Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
