u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize