we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
