i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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