Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
