pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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