Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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