He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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