Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
