You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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