That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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