I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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