I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
