Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yo dont text me then not text me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize