Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
