What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
