I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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