Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
