I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
