Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
