I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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