Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
