Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
