A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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