I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Houston, we have a blender
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
