I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This house was built for laser tag.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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