Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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