I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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