OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
