just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
