i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
