come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
