i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
